I am not even sure if I want to come on here and blog about this crap but, I haven't blogged or wrote about my feelings in such a long time I guess I really don't care if all the Ms perfects with the perfect life and perfect family do read and judge me.
I am at another point in my life where I think I am absolutely losing it. So, many bills and never enough money to cover it. I feel like so much is caving in on me. Mind mind is running a constant 1000 miles per hour. I am not sleeping as per to say. I can not concentrate and do my work in my classes as per to say. I look in the mirror and I hate who I see looking back at me. I am so depressed I just want to lay down and never get back up.
Monday I guess I actually scared myself I called the crisis line and I was seen on an emergency case basics. I was not placed in the hospital because they thought it would stress me out even more to be away from Dennis and the boys so that's why I was aloud to stay home but, I had to sign a contract and mark a plan of course of what to down I am stressed and why to do to prevent me from harming myself. I am going back on the meds that alone is scary for me no one wants to have a mental illness and I do not want to be ill let alone mentally.
Is this all life has to offer? This is it! I feel so alone I feel like I have no purpose. I really hate life and I hate myself so much. Worse yet I see everyone else with their perfect lil lives and how normal and so happy they all are and I hate me even more for not being them. I've been bawling for the last hour and I can not stop my tears from falling when I am suppose to be writing a paper to turn in this evening but I cant concentrate. I don't even want to do school anymore which would be stupid of me when in Jan I start my senior year.
I am so fed up I am so confused!! I don't know what to do!!
