pain go away plz...

When does it ever end? Why? I just do not understand any of it. For Dacoda to run to Austin, Texas and live with his bio dad just baffles me. His dad has never been there for him since day one. For example of day one. I sat in a stupid rv trailer all alone in serious labor pain while he went to borrow a truck to take me to the hospital and took almost 2 hours to return because he said he had to feed the horses first. I get to the hospital and I am already at a 10 in the parking lot so I am rushed upstairs into the O.R. while James just leaves don't stick around and check on me or nothing he was supposedly taking Brittany our daughter to a babysitter but, he doesn't get back to the hospital till the next day because I find out later he is to busy screwing another women while i was having his baby all alone.My adopted parents came a 3 hour drive and held Dacoda before his own father did. James is and will always be a piece of shit in my book. Look in the dictionary for the definition of a weasel and you will see his picture. I guess Dacoda has burned so many bridges he has to find some new victims but why he wants to go live with that man and that mans new 3rd wife who btw isnt nothing but,another bar fly just like James is is just freaking messed up. Your suppose to love your children unconditionally but how can this be possible when all your child has done is hurt you and slapped you in the face over and over? I want nothing more then to go to Austin and punch the crap out of a few people.

Ugh is all I can say...

     Okay so I am so frustrated right now. Seriously why the hell I want a man to be one of my very best friends is just about not worth my time and effort. Well Scott has been a really close friend and I feel I can say just about anything to him and things with our friendship have been going good. Till now that he got a new girlfriend(rolling my eyes). So, now when he talks to me online he is also talking to her and guess which one gets neglected? Right me!! I say "working weekend again" he says no he has a date tomorrow night and they are going to go eat Mexican food....Okay well freakin A thats my favorite dangit!! Not only that but guess what last few weeks when he was off work did he make time to come hang out with us?HELL NO!! But he can real fast and in a hurry make time for the new gf but, not for his friends. Actions speaks a lot louder then words and his actions freakin stink right now. Hope your new gf works out for you cause you may not have a friend to talk to if it dont. Cause this girl sure does remember how she has been treated. That whole time I was in the hospital did I get a visit? a get well card...heck even a fb post? Ohh of course not. I am sick of it. For now on I am going to start treating people like they treat me which is really freaking crappy and see if you like it. I bet if I stop talking to you for a few days you wont even notice.
     Another thing that happened today that really got my goat was my brother hasn't had anything to say or do with me since he came over and ate dinner a few weeks ago with his girls.Now what gets me is he did not hesitate to call my husband today and ask to borrow money and we could hold a chain saw till he pays us back. This is what gets me they don't call unless they need something. I aint family unless I can provide something. Not only does this hurt me but it makes me not want to help them out. Also, what makes a person think Dennis and I have it made? Yes, we do live from week to week we don't have nothing saved for a rainy day. We have a home we pay a lot in rent. We have utility bills to pay, car note, insurance that is over 100 a month, washer and dryer monthly payment, and lets not forget food in which we dont get any food stamps for so we actually pay for that to, and the basic needs, and wants of our own children. I sat and cried today I couldn't believe the gall but, you know what we lent you the money even though I am only your sister when you need something. This hurts me so much.
     So, now onto a more funny subject. I recently got contacts. When I went into my eye doctor he was the one who put them in showing me how to and what I need to use to keep them clean etc. I was so funny cause I kept closing my eyes while he was trying to put them in and he would say now stop doing that. I was like" I am trying" lol. He gets them in and so I am off wearing them to drive wow this is so cool I can actually wear a pair of sunglasses now and I love it. However, I am not prepared to take these things out at home. Lord I swear it took me a whole hour I just could not pinch these things out of my eyes. I was starting to seriously panic. Dennis was like sorry babe I dont know how to help you I havent had those things or know anyone who did. Okay so I thought maybe its my nails I am scared to scratch my eyes out. So, I cut them!! Yay I can do it!!Nope still didnt work. These suckers was stuck. I was getting upset then I remembered my best friend Scott has contacts so I called him and told him what was going on and I was stressed. He tells me I just have dry contacts and i need to use my wet solution to wet them in my eyes move my contacts around some to get them moist and do what I normally do to get them out. Did it work? OMG finally!! I was screaming praise the lord!! Dennis said well didnt I tell you the same thing as Scott did? I said no you told me that my fingers where to dry or to wet...lol. Then the next day I felt my eyes just could not take them and so I didnt put them in and just used my glasses. However today was another funny scene in the bathroom I think it took me 30 min total to get my contacts in I kept blinking and rolling my eyes..lol I sure hope this stuff gets easier and then when I took them out tonight it was easier then last time it only took me about 10 minutes..lol
     A few weeks ago I was in the hospital I had run out of my diabetic meds and was trying to just do it with diet because I could not afford the doctor visit right at this time. So, my blood sugars went into almost the 600's. I went into what they call hyperglycemia with keytones in blood which is a life threatening issue. I was in for 3 days. I felt so alone and like no one cared about me. No one came to see me. Even Dennis wasn't with me a whole lot. The only other person who came to see me and to remind me I am never alone was my pastor Bro James. It was also because of my pastor that I was able to get all the medicine I needed which includes 2 different types of insulin and everything cost over 100 dollars. I am so humble for what my church has done for me.

Bucket List

So, I was sitting here thinking the other night. Something I have way to much time on my hands to do. I was thinking about a bucket list. A bucket list to me means a list or a goal to reach or places I want to see before my time is up on this earth. So, I have started one and will add to it as things pop up in my little head. My list is just a list not in any certain order to do.


1. Florida beach
2. The Grand Canyon
3. Las Vegas
4. Keman Board walk
5. Graduate college with a bachelors in Science Human services degree
6. find a job I will be happy at where I wont have to stand on my feet all the time
7. Justin and Josh graduate from high school
8. have grandbaby
9. Volunteer 
10. meet my brothers and sisters from my bio dads side 
11. Cheesecake factory

Weekend away....

     I just had one of the best weekends ever. Dennis and I CELEBRATED our 5th wedding anniversary on Saturday so, we decided to take the boys and get out of town. On saturday we ended up in New Braunfels at the schlitterbahn water park. We met my cousin Rasler and his family there and we had a blast going down all the rides. We spent the day till about 7pm and then we drove to San Antonio got a room spent the night ate a wonderful meal at Maria Mia Mexican Bistro the food was great the service not so hot. I drank a Mia Rita and got a lil tipsy. We walked down on the riverwalk for a while and Dennis bought me a beautiful purle and silver cross to add to the collection on my wall. I also got a wonderful card and a dozen red roses from him.

     Sunday we started the day with eating at Dennys down town. Then we went down to the river and got on one of those river boats and did a tour that was so cool. We walked the river then went into the big mall on the river then over to the Alamo we went to see the monument that was neat to. Then after that I had a full day and was tired of walking and was just ready to make the 4 hour drive home. One of the best times ever with my family.