lessons....

Life lessons aren't always easy but, I continue to thank God for my lessons and whether good or bad I know I am taught them for a reason so I am embracing the bad with the good.

His will be done....

week....

     Well this week hasn't been the best week. While driving into Houston to take Joshua to the GI specialist on Tuesday my cars AC went out.Turns out the Freon leaked out and I need to get the compressor fixed. Which is not going to be cheap for the parts we need. Dr Thornhill said that good news test showed he does not have crohns and whatever caused his stay in the Childrens hospital and his swollen intestines was most likely just viral. They do however have a concern it is he has a fatty liver which could cause surosis(sp) of the liver. 
     So then the week continues and I am really bad sick by Wednesday coughing, sneezing,running fever but hey its Friday and I am starting to feel a little better now. On Thursday Dennis brought the company truck home his slave cylinder went out on his truck. Good news though he has good friends who found him a used part really cheap and will be putting on the truck for him at their shop for free. He has the company truck all weekend though.
     Here is hoping for a better weekend :) 

makes me kinda sad

     Its a bit ironic that supposedly a "friend" blocks me on FB again and I have not done anything to this person. I can only assume that maybe they thought my post were towards them! However, if she would have stopped and bothered to be a real friend to me which btw she really hasn't been a friend in a while and in no way will things ever be like they once was between us. For sure she has not been what I consider a BEST FRIEND due to the fact that she really isn't there like my best friends are they stick with me no matter what they love me unconditionally even when its hard to because heck I know I don't make it easy.
     Okay so I been going through some stuff lately which in no way has to do with her. Its my page right?! Last I checked I am still me and I still post stuff that goes with my emotions most times. Do I share what I am going through? No its not anyone's business but mine. Did she bother to ask me what was going on or am I okay? I thought that is what friends do but, I guess not. Shame on me. Fooled me once to many times.

Oh this was my very last post and I bet she didn't even see this one,

     I am where I am today because of the bridges that I've crossed. The bridges I've burned and because I've had the wisdom to know which bridges to repair. Good night my family and friends. I dont know how I do without my Rocks you know who you are.  each and every person on this list in one way or another your here because you mean something to me and you each bring something to my life. I hope you all know how special you are. Good night may tomorrow bring brighter day!

     Oh here I am blogging again. I know I only seem to blog when I am down but, hey what can I say that seems to be when I do my best self talking.
     I have dreams so big and don't think I will ever be able to accomplish just half of what I hope to. Sure ive started late in life ive made lots of mistakes and I was punished. Do I still have to be punished? I am not that person anymore. I have  a kind loving heart and all I want to do is give and help others.
     I want to photograph people and give them memory's to keep forever.
     Why cant I get a chance why wont anyone take a chance on me?

     
     I suppose I am overdue for an update. According to my last post I was putting all my fears aside and I was going to go back to my church. Well guess what? I DID NOT! My fears won and I just could not make myself go to church. I just do not feel I belong there. I feel like I am an outcast and I do not think that this is a place I should be feeling like a stranger at. I just don't understand why no one in my church has reached out to me no calls no emails not even from the pastor asking if we was okay or why we haven't been to church or hey do we need to pray about something for y'all.NOTHING! I have made up my mind I need to find a new church somewhere I am embraced instead of outcasted. Not sure when I will put my best foot forward and proceed with this because of my anxiety and new places but, I know I need to and I guess that is the first step.
     The last few days depression has really had me down. My brain has been working over time and I just want to scream "shut up already". I had feeling like this. I just want to be normal and I hate that I never will be.
     I just want to be loved and accepted! Is that so hard. Even friends I had once close aren't even really friends anymore  WTF cant I have a real best friend. Am I not meant to have that in my life? I guess not. So, hey there is your up date. I hate me at this point.

maybe I am afraid of change ....

     So, here I am once again thinking that I am way to much of a chicken to try something new. I really felt that I need to find a new church because my church seems to be getting worse and worse in the not so friendly department and yeah maybe that could be my fault because I am not an outgoing person but, I do want to feel that I belong just like anyone else does. Even though I have some problems with just a few of the members who have grown up in my church it is just that, no more their church then it is my church and we should all consider we are all there for one purpose and that is to hear the good word of the Lord. 
     I have started feeling better even though I am still having high glucose readings and my faith in mankind is gone but, I have noticed I backed away from God and my faith in him has been extremely small and I need to find a way to have a better walk with him. I would rather live on earth as if there will be a God than to live on earth as if there is not a God and die and find out there is a God. I still struggle because if our God was so good why does he allow such bad things to happen but, then I am told that is so you will come to him and learn to live by his ways. I guess I can sorta understand that.
     I am going to go back to my church starting tomorrow night and try this all again and see how far this can take me this time. 

Family Vacation....

     I am happy to say that sometimes a good vacation and get a way does a person more good than they would ever think it would. We left on July 4th, 2013 to find an adventure and with no set plans but, to just go and play it all by ear. We had planned to watch the fireworks in New Orleans but after seeing how many people there was in that city we decided to just drive on down the coast. As we sat in a truck stop diner eating a very late supper we seen some fireworks shooting off but, as we drove down the coast we seen more. My husband drove forever then finally decided to stop our first night out I am not sure just what town it was but, I think we was on the coast in Alabama somewhere. It was a studio 6 and had a stove and full fridge and all and the price wasn't too bad either. The next morning we got up and headed on out down the coast some more we ended up at Motel 6 in Destin, Florida and let me tell you we was extremely unhappy with that motel it seriously sucked with no towels and filth and no ice but, the first supper out with the boys and my first ever po-boy shrimp sandwich was good and the best punch drink ever with 4 types of rum was good but, I ended up really sick later that night with heartburn so bad I thought I was dieing. Wait let me back up a bit before we came into Destin we went to through a cool tunnel that takes us under water and we went to a really cool military museum that had Dennis B52 and USS alabama ship and a submarine to tour on as well. We ended back at Pensacola, Florida and spent 3 or 4 days there stayed at the Howard Johnson which btw if you're on a small budget wasn't to bad price wise but lacked a lot to be desired. We had to change rooms twice once because no wifi in the second building and the other because we came back and the AC was off and wouldn't come back on. It had a pool that the boys was happy about using. We spent a lot of time on the beach. We rode out in the bay in a huge boat and did a dolphin tour, ate at Hooters on the island, and visited Ft Pickens. Dennis and the boys also went to the aviation naval museum but i just wanted to sleep :) . Later in the week we went up to Tallapoosa Georgia to spend time with Rebbeca and Elizabeth and Bryanna. We ended up staying at the Microtel Inn & Suites the best hotel ever! The first night we swam at the hotel pool. The next day we went skating and the third Rebbeca BBQ at her house. I also did a photo shoot with the girls. Nikki and Neely, and Kristiann came over Saturday morning and we visited with them a short time before we hit the road about 1pm and we spent about 12-14 hours in the car on the drive all the way straight through to home. I was so miserable by the time we got back my feet was so swollen and I have a UTI very uncomfortable was just ready to be home and out of the car.