stress...

     Another week down and more stress added to it. The girl who is staying with us well her mom and I got into it and when I let her in on a secret that she can not claim benefits for a child that is not in their home they decided they wanted to pick her up asap and have her back home. So, we called police to see what we could do to prevent such a thing. Her parents have been abusive to her and her siblings. We had to call CPS and make a report. They have talked to her at school and I am expecting them to come to our house this week. I do not know what is going to happen. Her family showed up at my sons job yesterday just as he was getting off my husband went to pick him up from work and she was with him so her mom proceed to tell her lies like CPS can just take her from our home and return her home. Which I know is not true. I know I asked for all this stress when I decided to open my home and try to help. I pray whatever it is that will happen will be what is best for her and if she is taken away Justin will be hurt and I will have a new issue to deal with since it is his gf.

closure....

     
     I just don't understand why R did what she did. I still don't understand any of it! I just know I am hurt and would like some closure. How hard is it to email back and tell me why you are not my friend anymore for the 10th time! I know this time was different I wouldn't allow you back in my circle to hurt me again but, I guess in a tiny way I did some because you hurt me, WHY? What did I do? Why didn't you ask me what was going on in my life and be there for me?Instead you walked away without a word. You are a coward! Why did u bother to come back into my life only to walk away again so easily and again no closure...you are such an evil , cold hearted being. This is all the closure I get so here it is I will never ever allow you back in no matter what after 10 times maybe less but, even 2 times is to many now. I am done. I hope you get all you deserve.

41 and aint gonna get older ...

     It has been an eventful week starting with Monday when my sons gf's mother calls to ask if I am home because she is done with trying with her 17 year old daughter and she says she wants to come stay with us. I think if I had not already knew about the abuse this girl was going through at home and just how controlling her parents were who try to lock there children up as if they are caged animals my answer might have been different from what it was but, instead I said yes I am home bring her to me. We have moved both my boys into one bedroom while giving A the other room. So, far I guess I have taken on another mouth to feed and a new responsibility as her parents have not offered a dime. Dennis and I have stepped out in a big way and hoping that the lines are not crossed and we are not disappointed. I know I taught my son right but, I didn't raise A.
     Yesterday started my birthday off as Dennis and I headed to the Woodlands he took me out to eat endless shrimp at Red Lobster and what a wonderful yummy meal that was. Then we went to the Depeche Mode concert and it was awesome. reminiscing my young years with a band I listened to in the late 80s dancing having a good time with my husband. One of my best friends Jenny made my birthday cake for me this year and she did and awesome job on it including the zebra theme with my favorite color. I ordered out with pizza, and we grabbed a few movies finally watched " World War Z " wow now that is kinda scary but, it was good. I had cake and ice cream surrounded by all those I love the most.

death..

     Here it is 4 am and I am wide awake. I cant sleep again and I have nothing better to do but, sit her on my laptop and browse pages. I was on my sons page when another classmates post drew my attention. One of my sons classmates took his life last week. What makes a high school senior not want to live anymore on further investigation this boys page was public and I read several post even up to what I assume was the time he took his life he even left a note to his family on FB. As I strolled through it tears falling from my face.
     I almost feel guilty because I know what it is like to be in that kind of pain. I know what it is like to feel that you just cant carry on with life no more. This brought up all that pain again and I felt guilty because I read all the words of those he left behind and he was loved but just couldn't feel the love. I know what that is like also. I know I wanted so many times to give up heck Ive attempted it several times but, I am still here. This boy had a life a head of him he wanted to be a marine. Just got me to thinking and makes me so sad. I could not imagine losing my children to something like that.
    My mind is going a thousand miles an hour. Stuff like this almost has a scared effect on me because I get so depressed sometimes. I hope I am always strong enough to carry on.
     I know I never look sick but, mental illness is real I know I live with it everyday its a struggle on a daily basics. Some days are better then others thats for sure.

lessons....

Life lessons aren't always easy but, I continue to thank God for my lessons and whether good or bad I know I am taught them for a reason so I am embracing the bad with the good.

His will be done....

week....

     Well this week hasn't been the best week. While driving into Houston to take Joshua to the GI specialist on Tuesday my cars AC went out.Turns out the Freon leaked out and I need to get the compressor fixed. Which is not going to be cheap for the parts we need. Dr Thornhill said that good news test showed he does not have crohns and whatever caused his stay in the Childrens hospital and his swollen intestines was most likely just viral. They do however have a concern it is he has a fatty liver which could cause surosis(sp) of the liver. 
     So then the week continues and I am really bad sick by Wednesday coughing, sneezing,running fever but hey its Friday and I am starting to feel a little better now. On Thursday Dennis brought the company truck home his slave cylinder went out on his truck. Good news though he has good friends who found him a used part really cheap and will be putting on the truck for him at their shop for free. He has the company truck all weekend though.
     Here is hoping for a better weekend :) 

makes me kinda sad

     Its a bit ironic that supposedly a "friend" blocks me on FB again and I have not done anything to this person. I can only assume that maybe they thought my post were towards them! However, if she would have stopped and bothered to be a real friend to me which btw she really hasn't been a friend in a while and in no way will things ever be like they once was between us. For sure she has not been what I consider a BEST FRIEND due to the fact that she really isn't there like my best friends are they stick with me no matter what they love me unconditionally even when its hard to because heck I know I don't make it easy.
     Okay so I been going through some stuff lately which in no way has to do with her. Its my page right?! Last I checked I am still me and I still post stuff that goes with my emotions most times. Do I share what I am going through? No its not anyone's business but mine. Did she bother to ask me what was going on or am I okay? I thought that is what friends do but, I guess not. Shame on me. Fooled me once to many times.

Oh this was my very last post and I bet she didn't even see this one,

     I am where I am today because of the bridges that I've crossed. The bridges I've burned and because I've had the wisdom to know which bridges to repair. Good night my family and friends. I dont know how I do without my Rocks you know who you are.  each and every person on this list in one way or another your here because you mean something to me and you each bring something to my life. I hope you all know how special you are. Good night may tomorrow bring brighter day!

     Oh here I am blogging again. I know I only seem to blog when I am down but, hey what can I say that seems to be when I do my best self talking.
     I have dreams so big and don't think I will ever be able to accomplish just half of what I hope to. Sure ive started late in life ive made lots of mistakes and I was punished. Do I still have to be punished? I am not that person anymore. I have  a kind loving heart and all I want to do is give and help others.
     I want to photograph people and give them memory's to keep forever.
     Why cant I get a chance why wont anyone take a chance on me?