death..

     Here it is 4 am and I am wide awake. I cant sleep again and I have nothing better to do but, sit her on my laptop and browse pages. I was on my sons page when another classmates post drew my attention. One of my sons classmates took his life last week. What makes a high school senior not want to live anymore on further investigation this boys page was public and I read several post even up to what I assume was the time he took his life he even left a note to his family on FB. As I strolled through it tears falling from my face.
     I almost feel guilty because I know what it is like to be in that kind of pain. I know what it is like to feel that you just cant carry on with life no more. This brought up all that pain again and I felt guilty because I read all the words of those he left behind and he was loved but just couldn't feel the love. I know what that is like also. I know I wanted so many times to give up heck Ive attempted it several times but, I am still here. This boy had a life a head of him he wanted to be a marine. Just got me to thinking and makes me so sad. I could not imagine losing my children to something like that.
    My mind is going a thousand miles an hour. Stuff like this almost has a scared effect on me because I get so depressed sometimes. I hope I am always strong enough to carry on.
     I know I never look sick but, mental illness is real I know I live with it everyday its a struggle on a daily basics. Some days are better then others thats for sure.