Ready for coast

I just finish up doing all my college assignment so I won't have to worry about doing it this weekend. I will be in Surfside, Texas on the beach in a wonderful beach house. It's women retreat time again. Hopefully this year will be a better year for me then the last two I attended. Can't wait! 

Life changing....

     October 7, 2013 is a date that has forever changed my life!! That is the day that I posted on a people seeking people website and I found my sisters Ashlee and Mandi and my brother Sam on my biological fathers side. I am so excited to get to know them! This has been a missing piece from my life for so long I have searched for them since I was 18 and now here they are in my life and it just started with one post. This new exciting chapter in my life is so wonderful. They have accepted me with open arms and we message and text daily. I am so excited to have them in my life. My brother Sam is in Odessa and I will see him soon but my sisters live in Utah. I guess I will be making that trip though because I really want to see them.

Thats my daddy

Thats my sister Mandi in the hat

Thats my brother Sam

My beautiful sister Ashlee

both my sisters Ashlee and Mandi

My life is complete I now have from my dads side 4 sisters and two brothers!!

Daddy we are all togther now and we know your in heaven smiling down out our reunion.

stress...

     Another week down and more stress added to it. The girl who is staying with us well her mom and I got into it and when I let her in on a secret that she can not claim benefits for a child that is not in their home they decided they wanted to pick her up asap and have her back home. So, we called police to see what we could do to prevent such a thing. Her parents have been abusive to her and her siblings. We had to call CPS and make a report. They have talked to her at school and I am expecting them to come to our house this week. I do not know what is going to happen. Her family showed up at my sons job yesterday just as he was getting off my husband went to pick him up from work and she was with him so her mom proceed to tell her lies like CPS can just take her from our home and return her home. Which I know is not true. I know I asked for all this stress when I decided to open my home and try to help. I pray whatever it is that will happen will be what is best for her and if she is taken away Justin will be hurt and I will have a new issue to deal with since it is his gf.

closure....

     
     I just don't understand why R did what she did. I still don't understand any of it! I just know I am hurt and would like some closure. How hard is it to email back and tell me why you are not my friend anymore for the 10th time! I know this time was different I wouldn't allow you back in my circle to hurt me again but, I guess in a tiny way I did some because you hurt me, WHY? What did I do? Why didn't you ask me what was going on in my life and be there for me?Instead you walked away without a word. You are a coward! Why did u bother to come back into my life only to walk away again so easily and again no closure...you are such an evil , cold hearted being. This is all the closure I get so here it is I will never ever allow you back in no matter what after 10 times maybe less but, even 2 times is to many now. I am done. I hope you get all you deserve.

41 and aint gonna get older ...

     It has been an eventful week starting with Monday when my sons gf's mother calls to ask if I am home because she is done with trying with her 17 year old daughter and she says she wants to come stay with us. I think if I had not already knew about the abuse this girl was going through at home and just how controlling her parents were who try to lock there children up as if they are caged animals my answer might have been different from what it was but, instead I said yes I am home bring her to me. We have moved both my boys into one bedroom while giving A the other room. So, far I guess I have taken on another mouth to feed and a new responsibility as her parents have not offered a dime. Dennis and I have stepped out in a big way and hoping that the lines are not crossed and we are not disappointed. I know I taught my son right but, I didn't raise A.
     Yesterday started my birthday off as Dennis and I headed to the Woodlands he took me out to eat endless shrimp at Red Lobster and what a wonderful yummy meal that was. Then we went to the Depeche Mode concert and it was awesome. reminiscing my young years with a band I listened to in the late 80s dancing having a good time with my husband. One of my best friends Jenny made my birthday cake for me this year and she did and awesome job on it including the zebra theme with my favorite color. I ordered out with pizza, and we grabbed a few movies finally watched " World War Z " wow now that is kinda scary but, it was good. I had cake and ice cream surrounded by all those I love the most.

death..

     Here it is 4 am and I am wide awake. I cant sleep again and I have nothing better to do but, sit her on my laptop and browse pages. I was on my sons page when another classmates post drew my attention. One of my sons classmates took his life last week. What makes a high school senior not want to live anymore on further investigation this boys page was public and I read several post even up to what I assume was the time he took his life he even left a note to his family on FB. As I strolled through it tears falling from my face.
     I almost feel guilty because I know what it is like to be in that kind of pain. I know what it is like to feel that you just cant carry on with life no more. This brought up all that pain again and I felt guilty because I read all the words of those he left behind and he was loved but just couldn't feel the love. I know what that is like also. I know I wanted so many times to give up heck Ive attempted it several times but, I am still here. This boy had a life a head of him he wanted to be a marine. Just got me to thinking and makes me so sad. I could not imagine losing my children to something like that.
    My mind is going a thousand miles an hour. Stuff like this almost has a scared effect on me because I get so depressed sometimes. I hope I am always strong enough to carry on.
     I know I never look sick but, mental illness is real I know I live with it everyday its a struggle on a daily basics. Some days are better then others thats for sure.

lessons....

Life lessons aren't always easy but, I continue to thank God for my lessons and whether good or bad I know I am taught them for a reason so I am embracing the bad with the good.

His will be done....