my good news

     I totally agree that life is a journey and you never know from one minute to the next where it will lead you to. Life may have thrown us to the ground again with Dennis being laid off from his job with Reed's but, it has been said that god will replace that with something better. I know we are suppose to be patient and stand still and wait for our blessing but, after a month I can not stand still any longer. My fears over whelm me and I am scared of what could happen next. Will I lose my home I have lived in over a year and come to love so much or will my landlord understand what we and so many others are going through in this rough time. I ask my god to send him thoughts of understanding for me and my family, that he too just be patient a little while longer. I also know if I do lose my home that god will give me something better in his own time.


     I can not believe I did not hope on here right away and tell you all about my good news and the works of god in my life. It was the last day of our revival and the evangelist David Crane moved the sprite in me. I knew I had not been living right for a long time now even though I had become a child of god a long time ago I strayed and I needed to stop the sin in my life and live as he would want me to. I rededicated my life to the lord July 21st I was reborn again and I felt this huge mass be lifted off my shoulders. I know it may not be a miracle in some peoples eyes. However it was a huge one to for me. I know this is also not a fast fix for my mental illness. I have been bi-polar for years and not living on medications as I should. I go back to tri- county on Aug 2 to talk to the doctor and get on my meds. Its a chemical imbalance I've been told its not because I'm crazy although at times I often as myself that question am I crazy? I want everything to be okay. I don't want to have these suicidal thoughts anymore. I know I need more help and I have reached out and began the process for that. I now now it doesn't make me any less of a person then I am sometime people just need more help then others.


     God blessed me with friends, and family, and even more with my MCH family. I feel god is still shaping me into the person he wants me to be. I now I have been a long time works in progress. Thank you lord for helping my son come to love you and it was because of him that brought us back to the church and for our eyes to see. Bless you all.

this week...

     I haven't written in a few days or so. I need to update on whats going on with me. Lets see this past Sunday Dennis and I finally found a home church and are trying to get to know our new church family by attending a revival they are having there all week. The evangelist there this week is David Crane and he is pretty good. He has moved us several times this week and tomorrow night will be our last night for the revival.


     My youngest son Joshua who is 11 went up front to be saved and I and Dennis was in awe of gods work within our children recently but, the youth leaders told us Josh may be to young and did not understand what he was doing when he went up front to be saved.That kind of hurt my feelings to be honest. I am hoping though that when he gets involved in Sunday school and youth on wed nights he will learn more about the lord and what that decision means.


     I found myself thinking about my ex best friend Robin this week. I really feel sorry for her and how she must be a really miserable person with the life she has and how trapped she is. However, I cant be friends with her ever again she hurt me to much and wants to blame it all on me. I claim my faults i'm not perfect sometimes I say or do the wrong things but, I don't have a switch like she does and just throw friendships away as she had. I cherish my friends a little more then that. I do miss her though even with all the rubbing raw and stuff.


     I have an appt with tri county tomorrow. I am hoping that I can get in with there services. Maybe this time I should try to stay on my medications and then maybe I wont get so depressed with life when it slams us to the ground again. Dennis is still looking for work. He beats the pavements everyday. We have faith something will come through soon.
  
     I am still rocking on with my schooling just completed my second college math course I had a finally grade of a 79 which for me isn't bad at all. I was excited. I am now into American government class...can you say "BORING" I know it is to me and something I find no interest in.
     Okay I am going to close and get to bed "I HOPE". I have the oddest sleeping habits I get to bed about 2 or 3 am and I don't do early mornings. Good thing my appt in the morning is at 10.

can not be strong anymore

      I appear on the outside to have it all togther. It always seemed so much easier to smile and pretend everything is ok instead of letting people worry about me. As very few of you know Life has slambed Dennis and I to the floor again. We have had so many blessings and I think that is why the devil is on double time work duty attacking my family and it is really working on me. I am having my panic attacks and I am deeply depressed. The stress of not haveing a job and Dennis unable to find a job has us at each other,and I am sad all the time. All I want to do anymore is do my college homework assignments,and crawl back into my bed and sleep and not have to face the word. No this is not good for me. We have gone through what little money we had saved now and I am really scared. Not knowing how I am going to feed my kids from day to day is a big stress. We are a little behind in the rent now and the landlord has started to shadow us with wanting it now. School starts next month Aug 22nd here and I have no idea how we will buy the kids school clothes and school supplies. I know you all think wow Amy is so strong she always has it togther. I know as VP of MCHAA (methodist childrens home alumni assocaition) I should not even admit this publicly like this.But, I need to get this off my shoulders. The pain is so deep and some days I want it to stop. I woke this morning and I did not want to be here anymore I knew that was my sign. I called Dennis right away and he went to tri county to get me some help. I have an appt. I know I will have to go back on medication something I do not want to do because then I have to admit to myself I am ill again and thats hard for me.However, I can not just give up. I have 4 wonderfull kids and a wonderful husband. I dont want to sleep my life away either.So, please dont judge me to harrashly. I am only human!! My god is an awesome god and I am calling out to him for help. please pray for me!!!

Calvary Baptist

     Today I was able to witness my son Justin's baptism. I also think we may have found a new home church. This church just put me at ease as soon as I walked in the doors. No, the people did not seem all that friendly maybe that will come later I am not to sure. We are going back to church there this evening also.

     Justin gf Mika broke up with him today because she is wiccan and does not believe in Justin being a christian but, hey that's is her loss. Justin is a good kid well on his way down the right path in life.

     I had a trip to Waco yesterday for my MCHAA BOD meeting. It went fairly well although it was a very long meeting. Looks like next year homecoming will be held at the Clarion Hotel and not at the Hilton as it has been for the past three years. Which is good with me because that is where we like to stay with the cool indoor pool and all. I am already looking forward to homecoming next year.

     Here is some of Justin baptism pictures we took.

catching up

     Hello, I am in need of catching up. I have been busy doing my 2nd college math course and none of it is easy so it takes me longer to do then most.

     I bought a new car last week so I could have a second vehicle because I am sick of being stuck home all the time with kids. Its an old car but its new to me and it is in really good shape. I bought a 94 Ford Crown Victoria. I love it because its still big enough to fit all five of us in it and the AC is cold, that's most important to me especially with how hot our Texas summers have been.
     So, it seems like we have been to broke to do anything this summer and wow how has the time flew by we only have like 4 weeks till school starts again. We took July 4th and went to Galveston for the day we spent the day at schlitterbahn and then when it closed at 8 went went to the seawall and posted up on the beach and waited for the fireworks to start. It was a magical moment and we had and awesome time.

     Anyhow this week has proven to be another new challenge with Dacoda he seems to really push my buttons but, he is learning to compromise i think and we can work on our issues. I fought way to long and to hard and been through hell with the system to give up on him now. I must say I am really shocked that my adopted mother Georgia Ann is staying away and not interfering. Maybe she actually does see how she ruined Britt and Dacoda lives and none of this ever would of happened if they wouldn't have been so selfish and gave my children back to me and let me raise them as it should of been instead of them trying to keep them as meal tickets and pawns.