bipolar

Hello brother, sister, husband and wife, son, daughter, partner and friend. I thought I would write you a story about being bipolar. A few words to explain. We have been diagnosed with an invisible disorder. It is something you cannot see, it is something that you cannot understand if you do not have it yourself. But we love you in the same way the we wish for you to love us back. So we hope that you will understand a little bit better.
We are often so lost. Sometime in our past a doctor told us that we have this thing, and this thing is called Bipolar Disorder. At first we did not know what it was. Then we read about it, our doctors told us more about it and we joined support groups. By now we know a lot about it, but is does not make it better.
Sometimes we get a depression that is so overwhelming that it feels as if someone laid a ton of bricks on our chests. We can’t breathe, we get severe anxiety. Sometimes we cannot face food, we cannot face anything but the wall. We sleep. Then, some of us drink, or take drugs, just to make the pain a little bit better.
Some of us take medication. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes you feel that you want to die. Some medications give you nightmares, others make you sweat, others causes ticks and spasms in you face and hands. Some medications makes you nauseous, other takes away your desire for love. Some of us cannot afford medication and have to take what the stare gives us. Some of us had to go for ECT of brain shocks.
Sometimes we are manic and we do things that we later regret, but we do not have control over it. Sometimes we get so angry that it borders on rage. We then feel guilty for the anger, the shopping, the impulsive behavior.
Sometimes we feel so lost and sad. Sometimes we wish that we could just be ok, just function like every one else. But we cannot. We are the way we are and the only thing that sometimes makes it better is your support, your love and your care.

So this is to say thank you to all of you that deal with us every day. We know that we are not easy people to deal with . We know that we often hurt and make it difficult and for that we are sorry. But we want to tell you that we also love you and that would not be able to cope with this life if it was not for you and your wonderful love and care.

So to all of you. Thank you.