I have been taking this bible study course every Wed night now at my church(Calvary Baptist.It is a study based on the movie Courageous. Its about being a parent and being there for our children and stepping up to the plate. It focus is manly on the father. They say "any man can father a child but it takes a man to be a dad". I totally agree with that however, though we have to share our own personal lives and experiences. Both last Wed and this Wed. I got extremely emotional in the class. It appears everyone had a wonderful father who taught then wonderful things. I did not speak up for fear of being judged for my horrible childhood and the men whom was suppose to be fathers to me where nothing but child molesters who hurt me over and over. This class brought back so many bad memories. I am not sure I want to sit in this class anymore and listen to all there happy lives and morn for the happy childhood that was robbed from me. I sat there in silence with tears in my eyes with no tissues in sight I hoped and prayed no one could see my pain.
I have so many questions about my faith.In class we was asked to share about when we was saved. This brought on another set of pain and tears. I know I was saved and baptist ed when i was young but, I have blocked out so much of my past life that I guess I have also blocked out the good times and I can not remember how,why, or where I was saved. How can I fix this? What if its just my imagination? What if I thought I have been saved but in all reality I actually never have been? I asked my husband this and he told me"you do not have to be saved in front of a church or a crowd of people, if you've asked god to forgive you and live within your heart you are saved". I cried for a long time so mixed up with my emotions and so afraid Ive never been saved. I want my story to be an awesome testimony one that everyone will want to listen to but, I guess I do not have this story. Is it possible to now reach this goal?
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