run....

Our family is the proverbial egg that we were hatched from. Everything about who we are, both our nature and nurture comes from our family. Often in western society, we stray far from our family and may not talk to them for years at a time. We may feel that we have nothing in common with them. We may choose to run away from our roots because they are too painful to face. Ultimately however, our past holds the key to our future. If we do not face where we come from, we will have difficulty understanding our present and future.

Everyday has been a battle for me. My bipolar has told me more then once I was better off dead. I fight that thought daily. I am still working with my meds when I can rember to take them though. I am so tired of being so sad and I keep asking myself when does this pain ever end?why does life have to be so hard?Not many know how I feel.. I never let you in or know this side of me. I am tired of hiding!! I even have to hide from me......

I do not understand why some get to have the perfect life. Then there are those like me who from the moment I was conceived from a one night stand"I was the mistake" and growing up with the distusting men who used a child for there sexual gratafication(sp).The dysfunctional family life of not having anyone to love and care for me as a mother and father should. Why even at almost 39 yrs old does all of this still haunt me? Why do I still search for belonging?and never find it?